Am I the only one getting tired

Hi there loves!

I'm still having a hard time to breath since my flu haven't recover fully but I like it this way. The way I inhale the oxygen kind of feels like I'm back to being fourteen. And being fourteen could only mean one thing; Falling in love.

During the lesson, we are being asked by our teacher to make an essay about 'Love'. Interesting ideas immediately pop out in my mind but then when I want to turn those ideas into words, sadly, my hand couldn't produce any sentences to tell people how I really feel. The only thing that I wrote on the first paragraph of my essay is 'Love, is very subjective'.

Being in love is not my thing. I admit, I suck at it because I get bored so easily. I can fall in love with a person so quickly and usually, I was the one who call it off. I've been into a serious relationship once, that is when I was thirteen, the rest of my so-called-love stories are boring. My point of weaknesses is that I'm too scared of hurting the other party- and that's why none of my past relationship ever last. It's not like I'm scared of relationships or I don't believe in love. It's just that, commitment freaks me out. I don't want to be in a relationship with a boy who

1. don't know who Sophie Kinsella is
2. love me because of my beauty
3. force me to change
4. get mad so easily on little stuff that can be discussed
5. listen to crap music that I hate
6. wear a skin tight jeans
7. called his girl friends by cute names
8. called me by funny names
9. solve things off by arguing
10. don't do his prayers
11. think that fatness is caused by foods
12. didn't score well in schools
13. give up without even trying it out
14. don't understand my words
15. keep his nails long
16. is a fan of Manchester United
17. says that Liverpool sucks
18. can't think for himself what more to think about others
19. lie to me
20. doesn't know the first thing about manners

And the list goes on. I don't neglect people who fall into that list, I give chances for that particular person to understand the real me, only then I will decide if I want to continue spending my days next to him. I may be old fashioned if I tell you that I will wait for the right boy to came into my life at the right time and at the right place but that is the only thing that I believe in a relationship. I believe that someday it will happened to me, I don't know where or when but it will come naturally.

I will not hesitate, I will not tell people of how desperate I am to be in love because love is very subjective. Love can happen between a mum and a daughter, between a cat and the owner, between friends and so much more similar cases. And right now, I'm in love with my life, in love with trying new things out and in love with myself because I know, one day, there will be a boy who will love me for what I am loving.

xoxo,
-H- 

Butterfly in my stomach

InsyaAllah

I only got you inside my mind

I know how it feels; to fall for someone that you know he will not fall for you as a return, to eagerly jump from your bed when you hear your phone beep because you thought that it was from him, to be jealous on every living girl that stand near to him and make him laugh over simple stuff, to feel empty and worthless and you keep on asking yourself why do you even bother about him, to spend your whole day listening to sad songs that only make your heart aches even more, to cry a river because you missed him so much even your heart can't bear the pain, to feel nothing but completely hatred towards yourself and you start looking at the mirror convincing yourself that you are pretty, but nothing ever worked.

I still remember that feeling. Yet when I talk about it, I can recall everything, including those silly texts that makes me smile. I was naive at that moment and when a guy called me beautiful for the first time in my entire life, I feel special- like suddenly there's a boy who realize my existence. I remembered the first night you texted me. I remember the date and time we finally have the chance to talk to each other in person. In fact, I wrote everything in my diary. We don't have Myspace to chat all the time. We didn't own a webcam to see each other face, but we manage to survive in every way.

But unlike other people experiences, the story of my first love didn't have a happy ending. I was being lied to, being humiliated and only God knows how many time my heart breaks into pieces at the moment. Still, I didn't stop loving him yet I never stop trying to win his heart. But he..just don't realize how much he mean to me. I've changed a lot because of him, I go on diet that almost get myself killed, change my appearance and try to keep my hair long, I even learn to be fashionable and learn how to wear make up. I change my attitude because being a tomboy doesn't sound nice at all. I am the girliest girl ever existed because of him. This face that you think is pretty, this curve that people adore, this attitude that is outgoing comes from the critics that he throws on me.

2010 is my witness for all this mess. And by the end of 2010, I finally moved on with my life. It took me forever to ever stand up and walk away. He mean so much to me. I know now that I hated you so much for hurting me mentally and physically but deep down me, I know that if you ever try your best to get me back, I guess I'll fall for you all over again, boy. Because I will never forget my first love. I think nobody else will forget theirs too. But I believe that when I let go off the one that I love for the sake of other girl's happiness, a nicer guy will come along and heal the pain. I gather all my guts to put trust in myself. I take a risk and follow what my heart said- that is letting you, letting our memories, letting us go.

And it was the wisest decision I've ever made.

xoxo,
-H-

Redesigning the blog is not an easy thing

I'm in the middle of changing my blog design and stuff. It's a little messy right now. Haih how I wish I didn't start changing stuff. Zzz. But still, I've learned a lot of new things about Blogger and still improving my knowledge in it. For some reason, I feel like I know nothing about Blogger. How impressive.

Gue udah kayak orang stupid marah2 sendiri. Wahai rambut yang sangat tebal, janganlah menebalkan diri sendiri, tumbuhlah panjang, jangan menebal!!! immediately !

Dear Mama, I♥U

oy oy I'm back! Rasanya tangan gatel mau nulis2 lagi kkk. Btw daritadi gue sendirian dirumah, Tiba2 nyokap pulang. Gak tau kenapa gue langsung nyeesss pas ngeliat nyokap. It feels like to feel tired to be a mother. Nah! langsung kepikiran mau buat blog buat si mamah. This! 

Soon, if God wills, I will be a mother to my own kids. I want to raise them up exactly like the way you raised me up. I want 2 teach them read 'Peter and Jane' at the age of 5. I want to spank their butt for not taking their bath yet. I want to bring them shopping and pick the girliest outfits on the rack. I want to teach them manners when it comes to social life. I want them to see how hard it is to climb the mountain of success. I want them to know how pure my heart is when I tell them 'I love you'. I want to sacrifice my everything for the sake of my children. And when they're sad, I want to be the only person who can lend them my shoulder and know the right words to say to them. I appreciate it so much that you did this all to me.

Mah, you make me think this far. You inspires me in many ways. I don't know how to act like you what more to understand the feelings of being in your shoes. In fact, I'm scared. Scared for the fact that maybe, when I loses you, all the plans for my future will fade away. Afraid for the fact that when you're gone, I have no spirit left to continue this journey of mine. You raised me up too well. My weaknesses comes from me and not from the careless guidance of yours. And yet, you still put that blame on you. I guess that's the biggest sacrifices you ever made; You sacrifices your only life for the sake of your children.

Just by saying 'I love you' is not enough. But yet, I am not capable to repay all the good deeds that you had done for me. I'll be praying for you, days and night. And when your time comes, you still have me, down here, making countless of pray for you. You will be remembered, for you are the best mother I could ever wish for.

xoxo,

Your lovely daughter, Hanny

Its in Me!

Jedusshh!

Oke ini blog pertama gue. Setelah banyak yang nyuruh gue buat blog karna mereka bilang gue nyampah di twitter. Oke, gue kabulin keinginan mereka. So honestly, gue seneng sama konsep twitter yang 140 karakter saja and then your next thought bisa ditumpahin. Its fast, simple, and nampol. But screw it, i think i'll give bloggy a try!

So, Lets start with the basics. Nama gue Hanny. Hankespeare pernah bilang "What's in a name". Apalah arti sebuah nama? I completely agree! Its who you are that matters. Gue masih pelajar berusia on the way 16 tahun dengan tinggi 165 dan berat badan ababil (naik turun sesuai mood). Ukuran baju gue L, & ukuran sepatu gue 40 (ini penting if one day ada yang mau beliin biar gak salah kan mubazir). Rambut gak pernah panjang, segini2 aja.

& yesh mari kita ke paragraf ketiga. Lanjut! Gue pecinta SHINee "SHINee? merek makanan apaan tuh?" enggak ini bukan makanan. Boyband Korea masbrooo! Sampe kamar gue, alat2 tulis & blablabla nya ber tema kan SHINee. Gue akan marah besar kalo ada yang bilang SHINee or orang2 Korea gay!! Yes kalimat gue agak extrim, tapi memang gue terlihat gaul namun gue antisosial kalo urusan kayak gini. Milih2 banget orang2 yang gue bisa tahan. Gampang annoyed. There is such few people that i like. Makanya gue ganas.

Buat yang blm tau SHINee, check this outtt!!

Naaah kece kaaaan?  Nyahahaa~ btw actually other than SHINee, i loved K.O.R.E.A. Yes! who doesn't knw, hampir semua anak2 abg suka Korea expecially Kpop & Drama. Riteee?

Gue lagi ngayal tinggal di Korea & lagi bosen banget. Ini postingan tester. Perdana, pertama and gak menutup kemungkinan ini satu2nya postingan gue. We'll see. Kalo rindu maybe i"ll blog again. Anyway, semua welcome baca and tell me what you think (not that i care).

Salam tampol, Pish!

*kibas poni*

-H-